The Sandwich Generation

Tips and Ideas for the Caregiving Family

Being a part of the Sandwich Generation is hard work. Paula has one son in college, two teenagers, and a three year old. She home schools her teenagers and writes for various websites. She also worked part time over the past few years. Her plate is full. Finding the time and energy to help care for our Mom was always challenging. But she wouldn’t have changed her involvement except to maybe have been more available to help.

Had Mom lived longer Paula and her family were considering having her move into their home with them. This would have required that the whole family learn to work together and cooperate with each other in caring for Mom/Grandma. Many Sandwich Generation families make this arrangement work. The caregiver family-- members of the Sandwich Genration--is a special unit. There has to be a sense of teamwork, loyalty, and commitment.

Paula’s children helped with their Grandma’s care at times. Henry (when he was 2 years old) was her favorite babysitter. (Yes, you read that right.) He would play with Grandma for hours. They played cars, drew pictures, danced, gave lots of hugs and kisses, and when Grandma would need to get up and walk, Henry was right there holding her hand carefully matching his steps to hers. It created precious memories.

Caregiving and teens is a great match. There are many errands to be run and teenagers love to put their brand new driver’s licenses to use. They can also help with housecleaning, meal preparation, and laundry.

Encourage them to also spend time with their loved one. It may be difficult for them to handle the emotions of seeing their beloved relative slowly becoming more and more confused and unable to care for themselves, but they will be richer for the experience of learning to communicate with the dementia patient.

Teens should also look into getting either extracurricular credit or even extra credit from their school for the hours they put in helping with the caregiving at home. The need for their help at home may limit their ability to participate in school activities so be sure to check with the school administration about possibly rewarding them for their efforts. Home and family management can present the need for creativity. Keeping all the chores done with a growing family is hard enough, but add in a dementia patient and things can get challenging—especially if you are trying to maintain two households.

Gather the entire family together and discuss problems and possible solutions on a regular basis. This meeting may seem like “one more thing you need to do,” but strong communication and teamwork will help members of the Sandwich Generation avoid much stress.

Develop a list of housework that needs to be done (including meal prep and laundry chores), errands that need to be run, time commitments (sports teams, club memberships, work obligations, etc.) and any special care the dementia patient and/or other family member require. Discuss with your family how to complete these tasks together so that they all get done and no one is overly burdened trying to make it all work.

It is also helpful to have a list of activities that younger children can do with the elderly patient. Art, music, crafts, folding laundry, sorting socks all can be accomplished by a preschooler and a dementia patient, with supervision. This could allow you some time to prepare a casserole for supper, pay some bills, or make a grocery list.

When the members of the Sandwich Generation family work together they can develop friendships with each other as well as with the dementia patient. Doing ordinary chores or supervising little ones and older ones can serve to get the jobs done and also entertain everyone.

The nature of dementia is to get worse as time goes by often leading either directly or indirectly to the patient’s death. If children have been involved in the patient’s life they will understandably be confused and maybe even scared.

Explain to them what is happening with Grandma and answer their questions. Let them be involved in her care as much as possible and as much as they are able. Don’t try to hide the obvious worsening of her condition from them, but instead be gentle and truthful and help them to deal with their own grief.

Members of The Sandwich Generation will have to work longer hours and require more energy than a caregiver without young children, but taking the time to rally your family’s help and support can make it possible to accomplish all that needs to be done.