Dementia and Alzheimer's Diesease Poems and Essays

After Talking to My Mother Like She Was My Child . . .

Writing is therapeutic for me and right now I need all the help I can get.

My Mother has "memory problems"--dementia is the medical term used.

The Dr. hasn't called it Alzheimer's Disease, hasn't even tested for it. But from the research I have done having a name for it wouldn't make it any easier to handle.

Right now Mom is in the hospital with a huge blood clot in her left leg. The clot extends from just above her hip down to her knee. Today she had a procedure done to insert a tube through the clot to release a powerful clot busting drug (TPA?) into the clot to try to break it up so that they can go into her leg tomorrow and remove the clot.

Because of the high risk of bleeding she is in the I.C.U.

They gave her Morphine for the pain, but after awhile that wears off.

When she woke up briefly, she was very disoriented, scared, confused, and in a lot of pain. And I had to convince her that she COULD NOT move her left leg.

I had the benefit of that leg being in an immobilizer and also being tied down with a restraint, but when you are in pain you try to move to relieve the pain.

I had to talk to my Mother like she was my two year old.

"Mom, you have to be still. The Dr. isn't being mean by tying you to the bed. He is trying to help you. When you are in the hospital you have to do what the Drs. and nurses say so that you can get better. Do you understand that you are in the hospital?"

She replied, "It hurts. . ."

Dementia is sad.

Dementia--A Poem

Alzheimers--

A Word I Never Wanted to Need to Know How to Spell

Memory loss, dementia, or an actual diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease none of them are pleasant. None of them are easy. All of them are heartbreaking.

To watch your Mother--your 4-H Leader--your cheerleader--the woman who nursed you when you were sick, need you to nurse her . . .

I never wanted to need to know how to spell Alzheimers.

And I certainly didn't want to have to deal with it.

Will It Be Me?

Reflection

Remember

"We are? Why?"

"To check on your broken toe, remember?"

"My toe sure does hurt. How did I hurt it?"

"You hurt it when you tripped, at the same time that you broke your nose."

"I broke my nose?"

"Yes, remember? The firemen came and you had to ride in an ambulance to the hospital."

"I didn't like the hospital. I couldn't remember why I was there."

"I know. That is why it is important that we take care of your toe, so that you don't end up back in the hospital. The Dr. will check it today."

"I'm going to see the Dr. today? Why?"

"Yes, remember . . ."

Sometimes I wish I could forget.

Dementia Caregiving

One minute angry

The next minute scared

She doesn't understand things

But I hope she knows I care

A smile, a hug

Then, "Who are you? Why are you there?"

I just do what is necessary

Because I know I care.

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

I would be reminded of the old song, Feeling Groovy. There is a line that says, "Slow down, you movin' too fast; You gotta make the moment last . . ."

How I wish I had made more of those moments last. The moments when my Mom would take my son to the park and actually climb on the jungle gym with him. The moments when she’d borrow my children for the afternoon and make gingerbread houses or plan a surprise birthday party for me. The moments when she would labor for hours in the kitchen and then serve my family a delicious meal.

So many moments . . . So little time . . .

Treasure what you have when you have it. You will miss it when it is gone.

Remembering Holidays

We threw a Birthday Party for her in early July. Her birthday was the day before the fourth of July so we were in an extra festive mood.

We invited several family friends--people Mom used to be so excited to see. She didn't remember them.

She didn't remember that is was her birthday. She didn't remember.

But we celebrated anyway.

On the Outside Looking In