Life is hectic! For the caregiver family it is hectic--multiplied. Along with regular chores, laundry, meal preparation, errands, and appointments comes added medical treatments, physical and/or mental therapy routines, medication schedules, specialist appointments, financial and legal planning . . . and the list goes on and on and on.
In addition to the regular daily details, the caregiver family of a dementia patient also adds the element of the unexpected, the unplanned interruptions, and the “bad days.”
It is easy to get stressed about the dishes piling up, the laundry left unfolded (or even unwashed!), and the frozen dinners—again! And we can tell you from experience that there will be days, and even weeks, like that.
But with some planning, cooperation, and teamwork you can help to make your caregiver family’s home run a little smoother. And that will benefit all of you!
Appointments and Errands in the Caregiver Family
Dementia patients can have good days and bad days. Leaving the house for an appointment or errand on a bad day can be challenging. Flexibility is the key to successfully handling these necessary chores.
If possible try to have time consuming errands (grocery shopping, car repair, etc.) done alone. Our Mom got very anxious in public places. There were many distractions and strangers and it was difficult for her to walk long distances (because of the blood clots) so it was easier for her to stay home on longer errands.
Of course a caregiver family's life also includes more enjoyable errands. Some trips like soccer practice or a trip to the library may be very enjoyable for your loved one. Unless the dementia patient is home bound for medical reasons, getting out of the house for short periods of time can be refreshing.
Try to keep these trips short or in the case of something like sports practice plan activities to occupy the time. If the practice takes place at a park, for example, a walk around the park, swinging, playing in the sand, and playing catch with a large ball are all possible outdoor activities that could be enjoyed.
Check with your care recipient’s primary care physician about getting a handicap placard or license plate for your vehicle. The less distance your loved one has to travel on foot to your destination the better. Although you may use the same vehicle for all your caregiver family needs be sure to only use the handicap privileges when the dementia patient is a passenger in the car.
Plan ahead for Dr. appointments. Try to be sure that your loved one is well rested and schedule the appointment for their best time of day.
Have every thing you need on your trip ready the night before and also try to avoid needing to bathe the dementia patient in the morning if the appointment is before noon. The less you have to do to get out of the door on time the less stressful the experience will be.
Although they may not remember, be sure to announce several times before you leave that you have an errand or appointment to go to. Saying, “Mom, we need to leave for the Dr’s office in an hour,” can make the transition less sudden, but don’t be discouraged if it seems like new information each time you remind her. This practice is also good for young children in your caregiver family.
Meals & Nutrition in the Caregiver Family
Our Mom would have lived on corn if we had let her! She loved to go to “The Buffet,” the same restaurant that she and her husband had eaten at almost every day since they were married in 2003. She was used to having a huge choice of foods, to filling her plate herself, and to eating whatever combination of foods she wanted that day in whatever order she chose to eat them.
This was not a good choice for an Alzheimer’s victim nor would it be a good choice for any dementia patient. When a person struggles with memory loss, reasoning skills, and decision making it is the responsibility of the caregiver to simplify things, especially mealtime.
Serving a dementia patient dinner at a crowded table with the entire caregiver family present is probably not the best way to get them to eat nutritious meals. The fewer distractions they have during mealtime the easier it will be for them to focus on the food.
Save family meals for holidays and special occasions when the entire caregiver family is present.
Letting the care recipient dine with just one or two other family members with a very plain table setting will make the task of mealtime less stressful for them and for you.
Use contrasting colors for the placemat against the table, the plate against the placemat, and the food against the plate. The more clearly defined and distinguishable each item is, the more likely it will be for the dementia patient to successfully feed themselves.
Planning is essential to providing a balanced diet for a caregiver family. It is possible that the dementia patient has a restricted diet due to other medical problems. If this is the case try to incorporate the foods they can eat into the menu that you prepare for the entire family. The fewer dishes you need to make the easier it will be to serve healthy foods.
Make a list of your family’s favorite meals. Try to think of at least 14 choices (21 or even 30 is better.) Make adjustments to these meals to include any special dietary needs. Then plan to rotate these meals every 2 to 4 weeks.
Consider your family’s schedule when planning your weekly menus serving crock pot meals and other easy to fix dishes on busy days and more extensive meals on those days when you have some extra time.
If your children are old enough, teach them how to prepare several different menus. Even young children should be able to handle simple things like preparing a salad, making biscuits, or warming vegetables. Every member of a caregiving family can contribute to the task of meal prep since it must be done every day and it requires quite a bit of time.
As dementia progresses serving finger foods may be the easiest way for the patient to feed themselves. Begin to serve these kinds of food increasingly more often, before they are needed, so that your loved one will see them as a normal part of the meal and will be able to keep some of their dignity.
Encourage them to eat a variety of foods although they may decide to only eat their “favorite” food.
Watch for signs of increased confusion and, when necessary, serve their food to them on the plate instead of letting them serve themselves.
Try to continue to offer choices as long as possible by asking if they would like one cookie or two or which piece of chicken they prefer out of a choice of two pieces. Asking if they want turkey or ham on their sandwich may be too difficult a question for them to answer so keep the choices simple.
Be careful of the size and consistency of their food. Many dementia patients have trouble swallowing so avoid foods that may be choking hazards.
Working together as a caregiving family can make mealtime more productive for all of you. And, as in most things your family does during this time of caregiving seeing that the dementia patient is taken care of is your number one goal.
Housework & Laundry in the Caregiver Family
These two chores never go away. And if they don’t get done regularly they become even more difficult and time consuming. Not to mention the inconvenience of not having clean socks or needing to wash the dishes before you can cook dinner.
In a caregiving family with an elderly dementia patient there is also the very important matter of germs. Elderly people tend to have weaker immune systems and a dementia patient may not be able to tell you if they are feeling sick. Keeping them healthy is critical to avoid additional pain, distress, and expenses in their care.
Finding time to do housework is a big obstacle. And, if you have small children in addition to the dementia patient, messes multiply faster than you can clean them.
Again, simplicity is the key. If you or your loved one is a pack rat now is the time to change. Writer and speaker Alexandra Stoddard, says "Have nothing in your homes that you do not know to be useful and believe to be beautiful.” This is a good motto to use when caring for a dementia patient. Now is not the time to spend hours dusting knickknacks or removing 27 pillows from the bed every night.
If you or your loved one has a collection that you can’t bear to part with, at least try to pare it down to just a few items. Display them in one area of the house so that they will be easier to clean and admire.
If friends and family usually give you more trinkets for your collection as gifts suggest to them that, for now, you would prefer more practical gifts because you don’t have time to maintain your collection. They will understand.
The simplicity factor also applies to children’s toys, clothing, dishes, tools, and every other item that comes into your home. Find a place to store everything and then guard against letting those storage places become so full that they overflow.
With clothing especially, make sure each family member only has enough clothes to last for one week with a couple of extra outfits for emergencies. (Small children and elderly family members should have at least 10 days worth of underwear “just in case.”)
Teach children how to put their own belongings away. Make rules like: If you leave it out overnight, you don’t get to use it the next three days. It may be surprising how quickly they learn the skill of cleaning up after themselves.
Make cleaning fun by playing games. Set a timer and see if you clean the entire kitchen in 26 minutes. If you do it you get a treat! (Just make sure that the treat doesn’t create an extra mess to clean up.)
Have a routine for housework. Monday: dusting & floors, Tuesday: bathrooms, Wednesday: kitchen, etc. Find what works for you and then stick with it. Housework is repetitious it isn’t going to go away. So, just do it!
Laundry can be done a little each day.
Teach your children how to operate the washer and dryer. They can be responsible for their own clothes. Set a certain day for each family member’s laundry to be done and if someone misses their day make them responsible for figuring out how to make their clothes stretch until the next time they will have use of the washer and dryer. Your teenage daughter will probably only forget once!
Something You Never Want to Run Out Of :-)
Teamwork and simplicity are the main ingredients in a successful caregiver family. If you all work together to see that your dementia patient is cared for as well as seeing that the errands are run, the appointments are met, the meals are served, and the housework and laundry is done then caregiver family life will be more pleasant.
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Dementia Caregiving Priorities: Making Life Easier for the Dementia Patient and the Dementia Caregiver
