Alzheimer's Disease: A Caregiver's Perspective

By Paula Farris

[Written 7/08—only two months before my Mother’s death.]

“Thief!” I feel like yelling, but there is no one, or rather nothing, to listen to me. Yet that is what Alzheimer's Disease is—a thief.

I watch my Mother. She looks the same, though now terribly old. She sounds the same, though now her words often make no sense. And when she smiles, which is increasingly rare, she reminds me of what I have lost.

She still remembers me and my youngest son, Henry. Henry is two years old and may not be old enough to remember Grandma before she is gone. But the reality is: She’s already gone.

Alzheimer’s Disease has stolen her from us. It has stolen her memory; it has stolen her personality; it has stolen her recognition; it has stolen her ability to care for herself. And there is no recourse against it. We are the victims and it will get away with its’ crime.

Perhaps if we had known sooner what we would lose we may have been better prepared. Maybe we would have discussed the possibilities, the eventualities, and the inevitable outcome. But we didn’t.

We knew Mom had memory problems. We knew it was getting increasingly harder for her to do everyday tasks, but there is a huge difference between memory problems and Alzheimer’s Disease.

I can’t help but wonder if somewhere in my Mother’s mind she is crying out in protest. “No one told me I would lose the ability to bathe myself! No one told me I would forget who my family members are and protest when “these strangers” try to take care of me! No one told me that I would be helpless to fight back! That I would be a victim with an unseen enemy and be too confused to recognize that the fight is real! I don’t even know who “no one” is anymore . . .”

So, as I try to care for this woman who used to care for me I ache and I grieve and I get angry because no matter how much I care I can now only meet her physical needs. She no longer understands the mental, emotional, and spiritual needs.

And I don’t understand. I’ve been robbed and the thief is getting away with it.

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